EXt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCK - DAY
Ike rides sadly on t, gets off and walks
out.
EXt. IAL StREEt - ANOthER MORNING
ANGLE ON MAGGIES hOUSE:
A train goes by. A modest clapboard wo
entrances. A PAPERBOY tosses a paper onto t of
t door opens and Maggie appears fres of
bed, and panties. heedless of being seen
t to to pick up her
delivered paper: USA today. Sears off tic bag and
rips into it, looking for ter. S. A smile on
o the house.
INt. MAGGIES MOMENt
Maggie skips back into her
and Grandma. A cozy and eclectic place creatively furnished on
a sring. So: KItChEN hERE BOB KELLY,
fiance #4, is packing cans into a backpack. Bob, 38, has a
pleasant face and a body t is almost shockingly buff. hes
-s t reads: quot;Mountaineers Do It Against the
all.quot;, Maggie dances over, he paper and singing.
MAGGIE
She canned him, she canned him...
Bob test t of te food.
BOB
Come ry this on.
Maggie puts tcer and starts to read
aloud, paying no mind to Bob, wicking hrough
traps of the backpack.
MAGGIE
Listen: quot;Dear Ms. Carpenter, I
apologize to you for tunate
matter. Ike Grahams column will no
longer be appearing in this paper.
Best of luck in you upcoming marriage!quot;
Bob continues to of traps
it onto Maggies shoulders.
BOB
t-a-girl! You sacked him.
(checking pack)
t of the pack youre
going to o carry in the himalayas.
tell me if its too heavy.
Bob lets go and Maggie FALLS BACKARD, disappearing behe
counter, and ting t
er.
MAGGIE (o.s.)
Its a little... Its a little heavy...
help me, baby.
Bob has no answer. he reaches a hand down. he yelps as Maggie
pulls op of of frame. e hem giggle
and kiss.
INt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCK - ANOthER DAY
Fiso s featuring men and women
in evening and formal wear from Escada for G.Q. Fis
actually sing t rat.
Fiso attention. then
o tage and sets tions.
FISd)
Remember, ting t;funquot; back
into formal.
(to Ike)
I just say t for the agency guys. I
dont even kno means. Now
follow me.
INt. USA tODAY OBSERVAtION ROOM - DAY
Elevator doors open. Ike and Fis and ohe
coffee table.
FIShER
Ike, I really liked the Runaway Bride
piece, and since I do freelance stuff
for G.Q., Im in a different position
now...
IKE
are you trying to say to me, Fish?
top walking.
FIShER
Vindication. o get
some? A co prove t, though
your facts entirely straight,
your t.
IKE
(hiding his hope)
tory on Miss Carpenter.
FIShER
All tails.
tart walking again.
IKE
(excited)
tomy of the black widow spider
of Maryland.
FIShER
It be a bad o get you
back into ing feature pieces
again.
IKE
(entically)
t is a good story,
Fish.
top at table and grab someto eat.
FIShER
(nods)
If ss a cover story.
All true. All accurate.
IKE
(confesses)
Okay, you were riged my
column, but I can do t.
FIShER
t it. If you leave
tomorroerlands, youll
y of time before
rot.
IKE
quot;Paid vindicationquot; ts w I call
justice.
FIShER
Justice, yes. Paid, I dont know.
t my hands are
tied restraints.
IKE
But Ill get my normal fee, right?
he walks away.
IKE
You me to do it on spec?!
he follows him.
CUt tO:
EXt. MARYLAND hIGhAY - DAY
e see Ike driving doters a little
as inue tion in voice-over. (If
needed by tor.)
FIShER (V.O.)
Dont say quot;specquot; like its a dirty word.
Nobody ever paid So e a
play! Plato never got a book advance...
IKE (V.O.)
Oo know from
reliable sources t Nietzc
expenses and a rental car.
e hear Fisher laugh.
IKE (V.O.; contd)
Im going to make this work, Fish. Im
going to do it!
Ikes car drives into hale, passing a billboard reading,
quot;elcome to ;
CUt tO:
EXt. REEt - DAY
Ike drives douresque Main Street. he passes hale
;At Curl. Be back soon.quot;
EXt. AtLANtIC EL - DAY
A BARBERSEt is singing in front of tel in
town. Ike pulls up and goes inside.
INt. LOBBY/AtLANtIC EL - DAY
Ike o tlantic el. the clerk, LEE, hands
room service and taurant.
An OLDER OMAN asks he
stairs to his room.
EXt. REEt - DAY
Ike exits el as tet finishes singing
quot;Campto;
ery of town, looking
exactly like w of
on sunny Main Street, USA. KIDS ride by on bikes, streaming
balloons bes Ike on the face. As he
crosses treet, ters into ape recorder:
IKE
I think Im in Maryberry.
Flags orefronts and th
udes as PEOPLE greet eacher familiarly. Ike
comes to beauty parlor called quot;Curl Up and Dyequot;. the place is
doing business and croh OMEN.
INt. BEAUtY PARLOR - DAY
Cindy, t, does Mrs. Pressmans nails. Maggie sits
on t to Peggys salon che base of a
barber cigisfied.
Cindys dog is on the floor near Maggie.
MAGGIE
Cindy, you better 86 Sprout. he seems
to be enjoying troleum
distillates.
Cindy rolls over in her chair, picks up her dog and rolls back
to ation.
CINDY
ts it. Back to obedience school.
MAGGIE
(to Peggy)
Okay -- ... gently,
carefully.
Peggy sits in the chair. Maggie spins her around and around.
PEGGY
(delighted as
she spins)
Youre a goddess!
MAGGIE
I didnt even need to chis
gasket, just put in a little hydraulic
fluid.
PEGGY
Stop it. alk like t, I
get turned on and it frightens me.
JUSt ters taking off his sunglasses.
Peggy he chair.
IKE
hello. Im looking for Maggie
Carpenter. t the
ore across treet...
PEGGY
Are you a reporter?
Its a little early in to be thrown off guard.
IKE
(shocked)
?
PEGGY
(eyeing his loafers)
Its been our experience t anyone
of gewgaw on his loafers
ends up being anoty reporter
ing to interview Maggie.
IKE
About her upcoming wedding and all.
PEGGY
No, about ting t asshole from
New York fired.
Ike smiles do his loafers and shrugs.
IKE
I am just sucer. And you are?
PEGGY
Peggy P ter.
Peggy steps aside. Ike moves toward Cindy and Mrs. Pressman.
IKE
And whese lovely ladies?
te ladies sroduce themselves.
CINDY
Cindy. Maggies unmarried cousin.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Mrs. Pressman. No relation.
PEGGY
And you are?
IKE
(turning toward her)
Looking for Maggie.
PEGGY
Yep. Maggie -- Someone to see you.
Maggie looks over from ting position on the floor. She
gives Ike the shoes.
MAGGIE
(yelling to Peggy)
Reporter?
PEGGY
Yup!
Ike crouco see Maggie on t as so her
feet. Ike straig, hrown by her
beauty and intelligent eyes.
MAGGIE
I angle.
Its pretty much all been covered.
IKE
Originality is my speciality.
MAGGIE
Excellent.
PEGGY
erviews Maggie in
ting .
MAGGIE
She boss.
IKE
Sorry, no. I just got one.
MRS. PRESSMAN
(to Ike)
Excuse me, sir. I ual fact
for you.
IKE
(steps to Mrs. Pressman)
Yes, Mrs. Pressman.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Its ime to tar, you
kno seven like they said.
IKE
I knoell me something. Do you
to make it all the
ime?
During t Ike.
t Peggy
and beckons o a copy of Ikes column affixed to a mirror.
A goatee and ure.
;devilizedquot;. Peggy coughs as she recognizes Ike in
the newspaper clipping.
MAGGIE
She swallowed her gun.