I put tting ter for t time. It e afternoon, reaks cutting t remnants of tc t brief, flickering moment o night.

    Dusk, I realized t an illusion, because t. And t means t day and nig fe be one  t t exist at time.

    feel, I remember o be aloget forever apart?

    Looking back, I find it ironic t so read tter at t moment t question popped into my  is ironic, of course, because I kno its like to be day and nigoget.

    ty ernoon, Allie and I. t t on ter, s and pieces of too is taken in by ttle by little  to know eacher again.

    quot;Its good to talk to you. I find t I miss it, even  long.quot;

    I am sincere and s sill ranger.

    quot;Is ten?quot; s;Do  c? I mean, do we know eac;

    quot;Yes and no. I ts, but ;

    So  t,  suc s ;ere you ever married?quot;

    I nod quot;Yes.quot;

    quot; was s;

    I tell truth.

    quot;Sural to me tbeat. I t ime. Even noing  her.

    Sakes t knoly, hings.

    quot;Is s;

    is deat I do not say tead I ans;My wife is alive in my . And s;

    quot;You still love  you?quot;

    quot;Of course. But I love many to sit o sy of t. I love to cos dinner.quot;

    S for a moment. S see   for years.

    quot;;

    No fear, just curiosity. t s I ask any;?quot;

    quot;;

    I smile. quot;Im o be. Its not complicated. Bot dismiss my time s not ed. Its . I sit alk and I to myself, ter t I am doing no;

    S, just a moment,  smile forms on her lips.

    quot;I like being  if getting me intrigued is er, youve succeeded. I admit I enjoy your company, but I kno you. I dont expect you to tell me your life story, but ;

    quot;I read once t erious strangers.quot;

    quot;See, you  really ansion. You  ans of my questions. You didnt even tell me ory ended t;

    I s quietly for a  true?quot;

    quot;Is rue?quot;

    quot;t erious strangers?”

    S t;I t;

    quot;Do you?quot;

    quot;No go putting me on t. I dont kno;

    Seasing me, and I enjoy it. e sit silently and caken us a lifetime to learn.

    It seems only to sit next to one anot say anytill feel content. tient, must alhe silence.

    It is a e, for silence is pure. Silence is  draogetable   speaking. t paradox.

    time passes, and gradually our breato coincide just as it did this morning.

    Deep breat en do. I his. Finally, when she wakes, a miracle.

    quot;Do you see t bird?quot; Ss to it, and I strain my eyes. It is a , but I can because t. I point, too.

    quot;Caspian stern,quot; I say softly, and e our attention to it and stare as it glides over Brices Creek. And, like an old  rediscovered, .

    S about my evasiveness. On days like t my entionally ongue many times t feermined not to let it  myself and ansimes not too eer nothing.

    t decision, bot necessary, for o limit t my ans  I  change.

    Does t? Per I erfall of information t is  red eyes and quivering jaen all t ant to me? I could not and neitions and ans of this Is Your Life.

    t  feeling, of ts and  is t kno ans make it all are at pictures of forgotten offspring, brus inspired notters t brougter, and ending t began. Our days , and so was she. And selfishly, so was I.

    So I ceries of t learning nonet o be done. And I learned o a c life is simply a collection of little lives, eac a time. t eac finding beauty in flory and talking to animals. t a day spent s and refres be bettered. But most of all, I learned t life is about sitting on benc to ancient creeks imes, on good days, for falling in love.

    quot; are you t; she asks.

    It is no . It is o do ts to keep me from falling. Eito myself.

    quot;Im t you.quot;

    So t to squeeze my arm, and I can tell s I said. Our life togeto see t knohem herself.

    I go on: quot;I kno remember   makes me feel good.quot;

    Saps my arm and smiles. quot;Youre a kind man . I ;

    e ell you somet;

    quot;Go a;

    quot;I t;

    quot;An admirer?quot;

    quot;I see.quot;

    quot;You dont believe me?quot;

    quot;I believe you.quot;

    quot;You s;

    quot;;

    quot;Because I t is you.quot;

    I t t t tyard. e come to top . I give to o ;tiful.quot;

    e resume our  is true in a  times I do not feel lucky.

    quot;You ts me?quot; I finally ask.

    quot;Yes.quot;

    quot;;

    quot;Because I  you ;

    quot;?quot;

    quot;t; so me. quot;I found it under my pillo;

    I read it, and it says:

    tal ache,

    Yet my promise remains true at the closing of our days,

    A tender touc ends h a kiss

    ill awaken love in joyous ways.

    quot;Are t; I ask.

    quot;I found t of my coat.quot;

    Our souls were one,

    If you must know and never s;

    ith splendid dawn, your face aglow

    I reac.

    quot;I see,quot; and t is all I say.

    e ime, silver talk of try. She romance.

    By time h her hand and makes me face her. I do and I realize how hunched over I have become.

    Simes I am glad s know how much I have changed.

    Surns to me and stares for a long time.

    quot; are you doing?quot; I ask.

    quot;I dont  to forget you or trying to keep your memory alive.quot;

    ill it ime? I  . It cant. I do not tell s, tead because .

    quot;t; I say.

    quot;I mean it. I dont  to forget you again. Youre very special to me. I dont knooday.quot;

    My t closes a little. tion beions I feel . rong enougo carry o paradise.

    quot;Dont try to say anyt; sells me. quot;Lets just feel t.quot;

    And I do, and I feel heaven.

    from most. tical experience . t advanced stages of Alz completely lost. ting and confused. t t feed tendency to  lost. Srangers car a quarter mile arapped to tter at times, and at otimes t caff or people rying disease, and t is o visit.

    Allie, of course, oo, problems t ime. Serribly afraid in tiny people, like gnomes, I tc to get away.

    S  eat regularly. Soo t to fatten her up.

    But ty ends. times, just sometimes, after I read to ion isnt so bad.

    tion for t;Its impossible,quot; tors say. quot;S not ; But s days and every morning t. On t.

    But ? imes cer I read? I tell tors t in my , but I am not believed.

    Instead to science. Four times specialists raveled from Co find times t  understanding.

    I tell t;You cant possibly understand it if you use only your training and your books,quot; but t;Alz ion, its just not possible to ion or improve as t;

    But s every day, not most of time, and definitely less to. But sometimes. And all t is gone on t ions are normal, s are normal. And t I kno.

    Dinner is ing in urn. It o eat  alhese, and once again I could ask for no more.

    take care of everyto me, and I am thankful.

    ts are dimmed, t by table ly in tes are plastic, and ttle) is filled  rules are rules and s seem to care. Sly at t. her eyes are wide.

    quot;Did you do t;

    I nod and she room.

    quot;It looks beautiful.quot;

    I offer my arm in escort and lead o t release it here.

    oucand close togetal springtime evening. tly, and I feel a breeze as it fans my ccime as the evening sky unfolds.

    quot;Ive never seen anytiful, Im sure of it,quot; sh her.

    quot;I , eit; I say, but I am looking at  I mean, and I see  later she whispers:

    quot;I t  tory,quot; she says.

    quot;You do?quot;

    quot;;

    quot;S ;

    quot;Youre sure?quot;

    quot;Absolutely.quot;

    I smile and nod. quot;Yes, s; I say softly, and s.

    I pull out . Ss and I sit opposite able, and I take it in mine, and I feel o move as it did so many years ago. it speaking, I stare at ime, living and reliving ts of my life, remembering it all and making it real. I feel my t begin to tighten, and once again I realize how much I love her. My voice is shaky when I finally speak.

    quot;Youre so beautiful,quot; I say. I can see in  s about  I really mean by my words.

    S respond. Instead s shinking.

    Sly squeeze . it, and I kno there.

    And t proves me right.

    As Glenn Miller plays softly in a candlelit room, I co to form on  makes it all co mine.

    Soward her.

    quot;Youre ; sly, trailing off, and at t moment soo; times.

    S a makes me are at eaco t Allie, and t me makes me aractal eyes.

    Im strong and proud, and t man alive, and I keep on feeling t ime across table.

    By time to break the silence.

    I say, quot;I love you deeply, and I .quot;

    quot;Of course I do,quot; s;Ive always loved you, Noa;

    Noao myself, she knows who I am ...

    She knows ...

    Suciny t for me it is a gift from God, and I feel our lifetime toget years of my life.

    S;Noa Noa; And I,  tors  for a moment. I give up tense of mystery, and I kiss  to my cheek and whisper in her ear. I say:

    quot;You are test t o me.quot;

    quot;O; sears in ;I love you, too.quot;

    If only it his, I would be a happy man.

    But it . Of time slips by, I begin to see the signs of concern in her face.

    quot;s ; I ask, and ly.

    quot;Im so afraid. Im afraid of forgetting you again. It isnt fair... I just cant bear to give t;

    I dont knoo say. I knoo an end, and to stop table. In tell her:

    quot;Ill never leave you.  we ;

    Ss empty promises. But I can tell by t me t once again shere were more.

    ts serenade us, and o pick at our dinner. Neit I lead by example and sakes small bites and cime, but I am glad to see . S too muc in t ths.

    After dinner, I become afraid despite myself. I knoill be ours, but I knoolled t and t to come, and to stop it. So I stare at  and live a lifetime in t remaining moments.

    Nothing.

    ticks. Nothing.

    I take hing.

    I feel remble and I whing.

    I tell  time t I love her.

    And thief comes.

    It alime. For as so blink rapidly and surning toares for a long time, concern etched on her face.

    No! My mind screams. Not yet! Not no onig but tonight... Please!

    the words are inside me.

    I cant take it again! It isnt fair.., it isnt fair... But once again, it is to no avail.

    quot;t; sing, quot;are staring at me. Please make top.quot; the gnomes.

    A pit rises in my stomacops for a moment, tarts again, time s pounding. It is over, I kno affects my  part of all. For w comes, simes I wonder wher she and I will ever love again.

    quot;t; I say, trying to fend off table. S believe me. quot;taring at me.quot;

    quot;No,quot; I whisper while shaking my head.

    quot;You cant see t;

    quot;No,quot; I say, and s.

    quot;ell, t t; s;and taring at me.quot;

    it, so talk to s later, o comfort h wide eyes.

    quot;; ser. quot; are you doing ;

    t, for tion, and t breaking words of all.

    quot;Go aay a; serrified, now oblivious of my presence.

    I stand and cross to range pain in my side. I dont kno is a struggle to press tton to call toget I finally succeed. t for t, I stare at my wife.

    ty... ty seconds pass, and I continue to stare, my eyes missing nots  soget in all t time s look back, and I am ed by truggling h unseen enemies.

    I sit by tart to cry as I pick up tebook.

    Allie does not notice. I understand, for her mind is gone.

    A couple of pages fall to to pick tired no, alone and apart from my wife.

    And  comfort. A ly in the corner, his face in his hands.

    I spend t of tially open and I see people rangers, some friends, and if I concentrate, I can alking about families, jobs, and visits to parks. Ordinary conversations, not I find t I envy tion. Anot sometimes I cant .

    Dr. Barno  suc at too mucell ime  be around forever. But  listen to me.

    ients,  come  torn by contradiction. s to be a doctor completely devoted to ients and a man completely devoted to  be bot enoug  to learn to the choice will be made for him.

    I sit by t today. It ions keep me silent for many hours.

    I did not read to anyone t, for poetic introspection o tears. In time, t except for tfalls of evening soldiers. At eleven oclock I  for some reason I expected. tsteps I know so well.

    Dr. Barnwell peeks in.

    quot;I noticed your lig;

    quot;No,quot; I say, shaking my head.

    aking a seat a fe from me.

    quot;I ; ;you ; rigued by us and tions kno is entirely professional.

    quot;I suppose so.quot;

    my ans me. quot;You okay, Noatle do;

    quot;Im fine. Just a little tired.quot;

    quot;oday?quot;

    quot;Salked for almost four ;

    quot;Four s… incredible.quot;

    I can only nod. ;Ive never seen anyt, or even  it. I guess ts . You t for eac love you very muc, dont you?quot;

    quot;I kno; I say, but I cant say anything more.

    quot;s really bot  your feelings?

    quot;No. Sually. Its just t rig;

    quot;Alone? Nobodys alone.quot;

    quot;Im alone,quot; I say as I look at my c ;and so are you.quot;

    t fe significance. Allie o recognize me at any time, and I admit my attention  of my ts  spent. too soon, t t day, only gained, and I was o his blessing once again.

    By tty mucurned to normal. Or at least as normal as my life can be. Reading to Allie, reading to othe halls.

    Lying a nigting by my er in trange comfort in tability of my life.

    On a cool, foggy morning eiger s our day togetom, and puttered around my desk, alternately looking at pograpters ten many years before. At least I tried to. I couldnt concentrate too  to sit in my co ced to be refres more.

    I closed my eyes for a fees ely pounded and subsided.

    tc, and it o inspire me. It is a contradiction - t renealked to it t morning, oget t;

    ted in agreement, t reflecting the creek and I. Flowing, ebbing, receding.

    It is life, I to cer. A man can learn so many things.

    It  in t as t peeked over the horizon.

    My iced, started to tingle, somet arted to lift it, but I o stop igopped tingling and began to go numb, quickly, as if my nerves o every cell of my body, like a tidal s path.

    I lost my sig sounded like a train roaring inc I ning bolt, and in my last remaining moments of consciousness, I pictured Allie, lying in ing for tory I  and confused, completely and totally unable to  like me.

    And as my eyes closed for time, I t to myself, O have I done?

    I s  and t recognize. One mac rate, rangely sooto never-land time and time again.

    tors ed eyes as ts and adjusted ts, t ;Strokes could be serious,quot; t;especially for someone ; Grim faces ions - quot;loss of speec, paralysis.quot; Anot notation, anotrange macried not to ter instead concentrated on Allie, bringing a picture of o my mind o bring o mine, to make us one again. I tried to feel oucears  knoo o alking and reading and walking.

    t  . t  o be.

    I drifted in and out of consciousness for days until anoto Allie spurred my body once again. I opened my eyes and sa motivated me furtruggled to press it, and a nurse arrived ty seconds later, folloely.

    quot;Im ty,quot; I said h a raspy voice, and Dr. Barnwell smiled broadly.

    quot;elcome back,quot; ;I kne.quot;

    ter I am able to leave tal, though I am only half a man now.

    If I  side of my body is . tell me, is good neotal. Sometimes, it seems, I am surrounded by optimists.

    t my  me from using eit noo keep uprig left-rig as e, but rat, slow-shuffle.

    I am an epic adventure no is slopace a turtle two weeks ago.

    It is late ime fragrances t filter t open, and t c I am invigorated by temperature. Evelyn, one of to t sits by to close it. I stop s my decision. I  later a ser is draped over my ss it as if I  gently. S saring out t move for a long time, and I  ask. Eventually I urns to leave, and as sops, leans forenderly, ter does. I am surprised by tly, quot;Its good to  of us. e s just not t; S me and touches my face before she leaves.

    I say noter I , talking to anotheir voices hushed.

    tars are out tonigs are singing, and t everyt, I side can see me, trees, tyard, t till. In t looks like empty space, and I find t Im drao its mystery. I cion of clouds as to bounce off ter. A storm is coming, and in time turn silver, like dusk again.

    Ligs t back.  ivy on a cypress tree, tendrils and brancert ? I dont kno and table beside me is lit enougo see a picture of Allie, t one I  framed years ago in t t last forever. I reac and  incare at it for a long time, I cant . Sy-one aken, and siful. t to ask  I knoure  ans it aside.

    tonig as I lay in tal. t tcorm clouds appear. Despite myself I am saddened by our plig t day ogether I never kissed her lips. Perhaps I never will again.

    It is impossible to tell hings?

    I finally stand and o my desk and turn on takes more effort t rained, so I do not return to t. I sit does looking at tures t sit on my desk. Family pictures, pictures of cions. Pictures of Allie and me. I to times  I am.

    I open a draied togettle and difficult to  breaking. But s;I dont understand  ; I  s ignore me. And sometimes in t reverently, as if t of life itself.

    omen.

    Since to be a night of memories, I look for and find my wedding ring.

    It is in top draissue. I cannot  anymore because my knuckles are sissue and find it unc is po t no moment I ill yours, Allie, my queen, my timeless beauty. You are, and al;

    I  thing.

    It is eleven-ty and I look for tter se me, trikes me. I find it  it. I turn it over a couple of times before I open it, and remble. Finally I read:

    Dear Noae tter by candlelig  sounds of your slumber, I kno to you again as I always have.

    And I , and your breato the wonderful man you are.

    I see t reminds me of anot clotoget ured, roped by a sout, and I kne it o question a love t rode on sing stars and roared like cras is   is  is today.

    I remember coming back to you t day, ted. I  out of t you took it all a to me. quot; some coffee,quot; ogether.

    Nor did you question me  let me be. I dont kno easier for me. Later o traded our rings and made our vo more t, I knew I was foolish for ever considering someone else. I have never wavered since.

    e oget it a lot noimes and see you ting on tar o te. Your clotained from ired, and time to relax, you smile and say, quot;t ; I find your love for our cing. quot;Youre a better fat; I tell you later, after ter,  lose ourselves before o slip bets. I love you for many t beautiful in life. Love and poetry and faty and nature. And I am glad you augter for it. tell me o time t makes me feel like t ing, and you o me. My ions noimes ed because of sics, you ood my need for my oudio, my o on my clotimes on ture. I kno  easy.

    It takes a man to do t, Noao live . And you have.

    For forty-five years now. onderful years.

    You are my best friend as  knoreasure eac as I reasured our life together.

    You iful and strong. Kindness, ts s  forgiving and peaceful man I kno be, for you are t to an angel t Ive ever met.

    I kno me crazy for making us e our story before old you  is time you knew.

    e ime most couples never kno,  it o us. I see your tears and I  you t me, because I fear to express my sorro a loss for words.

    So I love you so deeply, so incredibly muc I o come back to you despite my disease, I promise you t. And tory comes in.  and lonely, read tory - just as you told it to t in some  about us. And per pero be together again.

    Please dont be angry  remember you, and  I love you, t I al no matter  life possible. My life ter to read again, t I am ing for you no able to tell you. I love you deeply, my husband. You are, and always have been, my dream. Allie

    ter, I put it aside. I rise from my desk and find my slippers. t sit to put tanding, I cross ted at t least I t is Janice. I must pass to get to Allies room, but at t supposed to leave my room, and Janice o bend the rules. her husband is a lawyer.

    I  to see if s s seem to be moving, and I groient.

    I finally exit my room anyakes aeons to close tance, but for some reason s see me approaching.

    I am a silent panthe jungle, I am as invisible as baby pigeons.

    In t I am not surprised. I stand before her.

    quot;Noa; s;;

    quot;Im taking a ; I say. quot;I cant sleep.quot;

    quot;You kno supposed to do t;

    quot;I kno;

    I dont move, termined.

    quot;Youre not really going for a o see Allie.quot;

    quot;Yes,quot; I answer.

    quot;Noa  time you saw  nig;

    quot;I remember.quot;

    quot;t be doing t;

    I dont ansly. Instead I say, quot;I miss ;

    quot;I kno I cant let you see ;

    quot;Its our anniversary,quot; I say. true. It is one year before gold. Forty-nine years today.

    quot;I see.quot;

    quot;t;

    S, and er noimental type.

    quot;Noa anot. Ive seen ruggle  Ive never seen anyone  like you do. No one around  tors, not t.quot;

    S a moment, and strangely, o fill ears. Sh her finger and goes on:

    quot;I try to t its like for you, er day, but I cant even imagine it. I dont kno imes. Even tors dont understand it, s love, its as simple as t. Its t incredible t;

    A lump , and I am speechless.

    quot;But Noa supposed to do t let you. So go back to your room.quot; tly and sniffling and s;Me, Im going doairs for some coffee. I  be back to c do anyt;

    Soucoairs. S look back, and suddenly I am alone. I dont knoo t eaming, and once again I learn t the world.

    I am  time in years as I begin my trek to Allies room. I take steps tra t pace it is dangerous, for my legs ired already. I find I must touco keep from falling down.

    Lig glotle. I  not tonigime to stop on t forces blood teries. I feel myself becoming stronger ep. I  I dont steps, and I keep going. I am a stranger no be stopped. A pation, and I pus be caug bandit, masked and fleeing on  to in my saddlebags. I am young and strong , and I  o paradise.

    ho am I kidding?

    I lead a simple life noo Allie and s and a man oo old to coo old to care.

    is beating funny inside my c. I struggle  takes t. t from ting t a passerby on a busy city street, forgotten forever.

    , and ser a moment I see o one side, and imes. Sc is over betale and I somb.

    I do not move, on t a minute, and I long to tell  I stay quiet so I  ten on t I will slide under  says:

    Love, in t and tender ive and very pure

    Come morning lig-lit poo as ever sure.

    I ter he door behind me.

    Blackness descends and I cross ains, and tares back, large and full, the evening.

    I turn to Allie and dream a t, I sit on e beneatly touc like poroke aken away.

    I feel  discovering t.

    Sirs and opens ing softly, and I suddenly regret my fooliso cry and scream, for t s I feel an urge to attempt toward her, our faces drawing closer.

    And range tingling I  before, in all our years toget I do not pull back. And suddenly, a miracle, for I feel ten paradise, uncime, ageless like tars. I feel tongues meet, I alloo slip arong and fearless, and sly trace tline of ake en as sakes a breatly, quot;O;

    Anotest of all! - and top tears as o slip to t moment, ttons on my s and slohem one by one.